


Don’t Deny

by OneBoyz



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, Sex, Sugar Daddy, adult, age gap, blowjob
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:27:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29314821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneBoyz/pseuds/OneBoyz
Summary: Geonhak knows the man, but not the person underneath. It wasn’t supposed to be more than a business transaction.When the curtains lifted, he realized he is in trouble, he’s the one in too deep.Warning – this is a major age difference fic (no one’s a minor) so if you’re uncomfortable with that, please don’t read. Please look at the tags first!
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Lee Seoho
Comments: 42
Kudos: 59





	1. The morning after

Geonhak stirs under the blanket, feeling the morning chill on his skin. Cracking an eye open, he checks that he isn’t alone in bed, as he often finds after waking up. The bright rays of sunshine hits his eyes so that he can’t see very well, but he can make out the body beside him.

Groaning softly, he cuddles up next to the man sleeping beside him, putting an arm around him. His hand touches bare skin under the blanket. There is no need for it but he can't help but feel a strange affection for him.

As routine, the alarm rings. It’s 6.00 am, on the dot.

For a second, he thinks that the man next to him won’t wake up but like clockwork, he stirs, reaching for his phone and turning off the alarm.

“Stay in bed,” Geonhak whispers urgently, his hand wrapping around him tightly.

There is a small derisive chuckle before the man pulls the blanket off of him and gets out of bed.

Never in his life did Geonhak think that he would be the snuggly one, that he would want to cuddle in bed. He's not a romantic. But perhaps because he's younger between the two of them that he can't help but channel...cuteness. He shudders at the thought.

“You’re a workaholic, you know,” he mutters angrily.

More chuckles, now coming from the bathroom. Seething, he pulls off the blanket off his body and starts putting his socks on. He doesn’t know what angers him more – the complete disregard for everything he says or the way the laughter sounds, teasing, dismissive.

By the time he has found the different items of his clothing scattered across the room and put them on, the man emerges from the bathroom, in a white bathrobe belted across his waist, water dripping from his hair, skin glistening.

His breath catches in his throat.

Seoho is tall, with a sporty build. He isn’t sure exactly how old he is, but he had once heard him referring to himself causally as ‘twice your age’. To him though, he is ageless. Despite some of the lines on his face, a wrinkle in his brow, there isn't much that gives away his age. The rest of his skin is flawless. Under the robe, he is hiding perfectly sculpted abs and tight gluts.

“Shouldn’t you get going? You’ll be late for school,” Seoho says, not even looking at him, as he sits down on the high-backed armchair, eyes glued to his phone.

Seoho shouldn’t know he goes to school. In fact, they shouldn’t know anything about each other – this is how it works – fake names, and no discussion of any personal information.

When Geonhak’s friend first introduced him to the website, he was skeptical. The idea of having a sugar daddy was…strange to him. Flirting with strangers and making them pay for his time – it all sounded too superficial. But he needed the money; he didn't want to ask his parents for pocket-money and he needed football gear, so he signed up. You could choose how much or how little you wanted to do. Most of the time, he would just chat with the people on the website, listen to their worries, sometimes go on soft dates. When he got to know someone a bit more, they would suggest initiating something more physical and he would answer them with a firm no. Even though he was of age, he wasn’t going to sell his body, he was adamant.

The chatting period with Seoho was short. There was something in the way he spoke that just drew him to the older. When he first met him, the older was very clear about what he wanted from him and it wasn’t sweet dates or crying into his arms. He opened his mouth to say no but somehow it came out as yes. Seoho gave him a chance to think it over - he could have easily rectified his mistake. But no matter how much he thought about it, he had already made up his mind.

From the first moment he laid eyes on him, Geonhak had felt an irresistible attraction towards Seoho, one that the older did not reciprocate. Well, he does, to some extent. Otherwise he wouldn't have offered to be his sugar daddy. But it's not the same.

“I can’t find my name tag,” he complains loudly, turning the rug over.

“Shouldn’t it be on your uniform shirt?” Seoho offers, eyes still thoroughly fixed on his phone.

“But you threw my clothes when you were taking them off last night so it could be anywhere.”

“I’ll buy you a new one.”

He sighs with annoyance. “That’s your answer to any problem, just throw money at it.”

Finally glancing up from his phone, Seoho smiles at him. “Money is the root cause of all problems.”

“Right.”

There is no point in talking to Seoho. As handsome as the man is, it’s excruciating interacting with him. He doesn’t know if it’s just him that he is so uninterested towards. How does he interact with the other people in his life, normal people that he doesn’t need to hide his identity from?

“I’m gonna make some tea, you want one?”

“Fine.”

Seoho pads to the kitchen, his robe catching on his legs and riding up slightly, exposing his smooth legs. Geonhak hates to stare but he can’t help it. Even though he’s had that body all to himself last night and he had run his hand over the smooth skin, touching him hungrily everywhere, he wants more.

By the time he finds his nametag and throws his backpack over his shoulder, a cup of steaming hot tea is waiting for him at the kitchen counter.

“You’re taking your time today,” he points out.

“Meeting first thing in the morning got pushed back,” Seoho replies curtly, sipping his tea.

“Shall I stay longer then?” his voice is probably a bit too hopeful.

“You can stay however long you want, Leedo-ya, I’m gonna get dressed and head off.”

Taking his cup and humming softly, Seoho makes his way back into the bedroom. It’s always like this. In bed, Seoho can make him feel like he’s the only person in the world for him. But beyond that, he is never fully there.

“It’s Geonhak, I told you, my real name is Geonhak,” he says when Seoho returns, fully dressed in a navy-blue suit, complete with a patterned tie and silver cufflinks.

“You’re not supposed to tell me that, Leedo-ya.”

“Will it kill you to call me by real name now that you know?” he huffs.

“I don’t like breaking rules,” Seoho winks at him, straightening his tie.

He doesn’t know Seoho’s real name; the older wouldn’t tell him. In fact, he wouldn’t tell him anything about himself, as is the rules of the website. But they’ve known each other for almost 6 months now and Geonhak has definitely overshared in the hopes that the older would open up too. But no; all he knows about him is that he’s rich.

Anyone who can afford a bungalow like this and that too just for entertainment purposes has to be comfortable. Besides, he only ever wears designer clothes and pays Geonhak way more than their arranged sum.

“I got you those cufflinks,” Geonhak suddenly notices the silver roses on his cuffs.

Seoho spares them a cursory glance. “Oh, yeah.”

Sometimes, Seoho does things like this that drives him crazy. And worse, it gives him hope. Most times, Seoho pretends he doesn’t care about him at all, that it’s purely physical between them, and then he would go and randomly wear something he had given him or remember his birthday. All of it just drives him up the wall.

“It’s strange to give your sugar daddy a present, I suppose,” he adds as an afterthought.

He shudders. The term sugar daddy never sat well with him.

He knows what Seoho thinks – he thinks that Geonhak used his money to buy him a present. But the truth is, he has taken a part-time job at a restaurant to save up enough money to buy him silver cufflinks. He was determined to not use Seoho’s money for the present.

“Well, I’m off now.”

Making his mind up in a heartbeat, Geonhak blocks his path with his body. He is slightly taller than Seoho and has broader shoulders so he successfully prevents his efforts to walk way.

“What is it now?” he asks with a tired expression.

 _Just do it_ , he tells himself.

Swallowing nervously, he says, “I-er-I want to-”

He feels dizzy and can’t feel the floor under his feet.

 _Great_ , he thinks, _this is what I need. To faint in front of Seoho and make a scene._

It’s so stupid that he just wants to rewind. Back to before he ever met Seoho.


	2. There's nothing here...

“I-er-I want to-”

Back to before he ever met Seoho. Back before he was reduced to this helpless mess.

Geonhak has always prided himself on his maturity. Compared to his peers, he has always had a flair for adulting. He likes to think he grew up before his time, he's not a child anymore. But something about Seoho...something about him makes him feel like a kid again - immature, bratty, shy, confused - all of it at once.

Right now, he doesn’t know if the older realizes that he’s about to faint. He can barely feel the ground beneath his feet and he hates himself for starting this. He should have just let Seoho leave, like he does, every day.

To his surprise, the older doesn't try to sidestep him and get away. Grabbing his chin, Seoho pulls him closer and smiles, devilishly handsome, before kissing him. Geonhak’s hands reach for his sides to steady himself. He loses himself in the sensation of Seoho’s plump lips gnashing against his, feeling giddier, but the older pulls away as abruptly as he started. Wiping off the wetness with the back of his hand, Seoho says, “I’ll see you later,” before making his way to the door.

Geonhak is left licking his lips, trying to taste the remnants of Seoho on the back of his tongue.

What was he thinking? It’s never going to happen, whatever it is that he's imagined in his tiny brain. He is just another body to Seoho.

Yes, another body. He knows about the _others_.

Seoho actually lives somewhere else. This bungalow basically serves the purpose of his own personal brothel. The first day he brought Geonhak here, he laid down the rules. This is where they meet. And this is where they say goodbye. Geonhak is allowed to stay here for as long as he likes, unless he needs him to vacate it for some reason.

The only reason he needs this bungalow vacated is because of the _others_.

There are at least two others. Bodies, as he likes to call them. He’d actually run into one of them here, a month or so into starting this arrangement with Seoho. For some reason, their timings had overlapped. The other boy was a lot more feminine than him, couldn’t be much older than himself. He was in full make-up when they ran into each other, flowing blonde hair up to his shoulders. Xion, his name was. Fake name, of course.

He had gawked at him so much that he had taken offence.

“What’s so interesting?” Xion had asked in a haughty voice.

“You-you- what are you doing here?”

Sighing, Xion had said, “Oh, you’re the new one. Seoho mentioned you. Don’t you have to be at school or something?”

“Well, how old are you? Because you look younger than me!”

“Old enough, you’ll be surprised. Now get going, will you?” He had tried to shoo him off impatiently.

“Is he-is Seoho coming back? Today?”

Xion had made a face. “Run along kid, there’s nothing for you here.”

He couldn’t help the tears on his way out. For some reason, he felt betrayed. But he shouldn’t, it’s silly. No one ever said this was exclusive. In fact, Seoho hadn’t even demanded that Geonhak sees him exclusively. And he is simply being paid by Seoho for his time; if he wanted to pay others for their time, it isn’t his problem.

Another day, he had found a reformed jean jacket that wasn’t his; something Seoho wouldn’t be caught dead in. Somehow, he couldn’t imagine it on Xion and when he had checked the size, he had found that it would be a size or two too small for him and no matter how much tight clothes were in fashion, he didn’t think the sleeves would reach all the way to Xion’s wrist. Besides, the perfume on it was strong, different from what he had smelled on Xion. So there was another one. The other… _body_.

He never confronted Seoho about the others. What's the point? It's not like he had any right to get mad. It's not like he caught his boyfriend cheating on him. To Seoho, they're all probably the same. Anyone who would fulfill his needs, give him pleasure. He probably doesn't even have a type he's attracted to - because just from their physical attributes, he and Xion are vastly different. And if the reformed jacket is anything to go by, the other person is different from them too. It could even not be a boy, who knows.

Geonhak tries not to think about the others, but he can't stop himself from feeling empty every time there is some sort of a reminder that they exist.

A couple of weeks after the first meeting, he had met Xion again, this time at a nearby café where he was working part-time, covering a shift for a friend. At first, Xion had pretended to not know him and completely ignored him. But once the café got quieter, he had waved him over to his table.

“Do you need anything else?”

“You’re Leedo, aren’t you?”

“Does Seoho tell you everyone’s names?”

“Their fake names, at least.” Xion shrugged. “Did he not tell you?”

Shaking his head, he turned to go away, but Xion stopped him.

“You didn’t know, did you?”

Sighing, he mumbled, “I thought I was the only one.”

Xion’s eyes lit up. “That’s interesting.”

“Why is that interesting?”

Sipping at his smoothie, Xion smiled. “Well, as far as I know, he doesn’t make it a secret that he’s sleeping with more than one person. It’s his money, so who cares. We’re all aware of each other. Except you.”

He scoffed. “He probably couldn’t be bothered to tell me. He hardly talks to me.”

Xion raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Well, he talks _about_ you plenty.”

Once again, whatever the insinuation was, they were sticks. Sticks and stones that would break his bones.

Feeling like a complete loser, he walks to school, morose. He would have skipped school but finals are around the corner and he would need to concentrate if he wants to graduate. He doesn’t know what to do after school. He has applied to a few universities but they all asked for really high grades and he is barely pulling them now. He really needs to do well on the finals.

School is busy and thankfully it helps to take his mind off things. He barely has time to look at his phone – it’s the latest iPhone, courtesy of Seoho – and when he does, he ignores the messages from his brother about getting him a new pair of trainers. Right after school, he barely has time to scarf down dinner before going to cram school. There, along with 60 or so of his peers, he half dozes off, listening to the grueling lectures. When the clock hits 9, they are finally dismissed and Geonhak feels like he’s been run over by a truck.

Head down, collars turned up, he plods down the stairs, surrounded by his classmates. One of the girls asks him something about page 16 but he just ignores her.

“Geonhak-ah, we need another player, do you want to play football?” Jimin asks.

“Not tonight, sorry guys, I’m spent.”

It’s a 20-minute walk back to his house but his feet drag and he contemplates calling a taxi. He can afford it. But thinking about how his younger brother is probably walking back home makes him feel guilty.

He steps out into the mild drizzle, pulling his jacket around him tightly. As he walks down the road and the crowd of students start to thin – people start to separate and make go their own ways – he thinks about the text from his brother. Would the shops be open now? He could afford to buy him an expensive pair of trainers; besides, even if he doesn’t have enough money in his account he can always ask Seoho and he wouldn’t even question why he needs it or that it would mean overpaying him. But his parents are probably going to have lots of question about where he got the money from. Maybe he could tell them it’s from his part-time job?

That sounds like a plan.

He checks his phone again – no texts, no voice messages. Normally if Seoho wants to see him at night, he texts him before his school finishes so that he can make the necessary arrangements. He sometimes lies to Seoho, saying he doesn’t have to go to cram school, so that he can see him instead. They see each other twice or thrice at most every week. Most of the time, if they’re meeting at night, he would sleepover and tell his parents that he slept at a friend’s, study buddy. They don’t care as long as they think he’s studying.

If only they knew what he’s actually up to…


	3. Nobody listens to the radio

A car honks obnoxiously behind him. Groaning, he shifts to a side, making enough room for it to pass. It doesn't whoosh like he expected it to. It trickles down the road and when the car catches up with him, its headlight blinks, causing him to look over.

It’s a black Bugatti, glistening in the rain. The window slides down and he sees a familiar face smiling at him.

“Have you got time to spare?” Seoho asks.

“I-er-wha-how did you know to find me here?”

“I’ll tell you if you get in,” he jerks his thumb towards the passenger seat, with a seductive smile on his face. Gosh, the day he'll be able to resist this man...

Wiping off the raindrops from his face, he walks to the other side and gets into the car. He has never been in Seoho’s car before. Its sleek and shiny interior waves at him like a disgusting display of wealth but he doesn’t spare very much attention. He is much more interested in the owner.

“Did you-were you following me?”

“From the cram school to here, for the last 5 minutes, yes. I didn’t want to pick you up in front of your friends, thought you might be embarrassed.”

“They’re not my friends,” he mumbles, tapping his finger on the dashboard. For some reason, he is filled with a warm fuzzy feeling, despite having walked 5 minutes under the rain and the temperature being -1 degrees. “How did you know I’ll be at cram school?”

“Is that important?” Seoho turns on the radio. A pop song blasts in the car.

“It is important, I need to know if you’re tracking me.” He turns the radio off.

Throwing his head back, Seoho laughs, as if it’s the most amusing thing he’s ever heard.

“It’s Thursday, you told me you have cram school until 9 every Thursday. It wasn’t hard to find the cram school given that I know which school you go to, the uniform’s a dead giveaway.”

“Oh.”

Geonhak’s heart flutters as he rests his head against the headrest. He attaches too much meaning to insignificant things, it’s a problem of his. Like now, he’s so touched because Seoho has remembered a pretty basic information regarding his schedule. To be fair, Seoho always gives him the impression that he is not listening to him when he talks so he is surprised that he has actually heard and stored some of the information he has given to him.

“You didn’t text me about meeting up,” he accuses.

“Thought I’d pick you up. You looked pretty shattered this morning. And it’s supposed to rain. So…”

He dares to turn his head and look Seoho. His side profile is perfect. In the light of the passing streetlamps, he takes in Seoho’s ethereal beauty.

“How old are you?” he blurts out.

Seoho glances over. “Why? Are you having second thoughts? Well, you know the contract can be terminated at any time-”

“No,” he replies hastily. “Just trying to figure out how mad my parents will be when they find out,” he adds in a whisper.

It doesn’t look like he has heard the last part and he doesn’t ask for a clarification.

After about five minutes, he says, “Too old, is the answer.”

“I don’t believe you, you look like you’re in your twenties.”

This time when he starts laughing, he doesn’t stop for a very long time. Wiping off what’s probably a tear from his eye, he says, “If you said that to flatter me-”

“I didn’t. Whatever, don’t tell me.” It doesn’t change anything.

There are so many things he wants to tell Seoho but he can’t find his voice. Seoho doesn’t mind. On some other dates he has went on before, he would be asked to talk because the other party found his voice attractive. They would request recordings of his voice saying one thing or another or him singing a song. Seoho has never made any such request. In fact, when he’s with him, he barely speaks and the older has never expressed any dissatisfaction. Maybe he just hates his voice.

He’s never been in a car with Seoho so he doesn’t know what to do. Staring out of the window is boring, especially since the only thing he actually wants to look at is sat right next to him. But what would he think? So instead, he stares at Seoho’s hands, resting loosely on the steering wheel.

Even if he notices, Seoho doesn’t say anything. Geonhak might not have even existed.

When they reach the bungalow, Seoho gets off the car wordlessly, pretending Geonhak wasn’t sat there beside him.

Frustrated, Geonhak follows him in, all the way to the bedroom, where he puts his schoolbag down on the dressing table. Normally this is when Seoho grabs him by the tie and pulls him into a kiss. But for some reason, the older just takes a seat on the bed, leaning back, his palms flat against the surface, watching him with an unreadable expression.

He hates it.

The one thing he had on Seoho is that he couldn’t resist him when they were together in the bedroom. But right now, he doesn’t see any of the usual lust in his eyes. He makes no move to say that he wants Geonhak, in anyway. As much as it kills him on the inside, it also infuriates him.

Too long he has taken everything lying down, not fighting for what he wants. Not today.

He covers the floor between them in a couple of strides and presses his lips against Seoho’s indifferent smirk. He kisses him fiercely, insistently, twisting his fingers in his curly dark locks, crushing his lips against Seoho’s. It’s not sweet like when Seoho kisses him, it’s angry and demanding. He bites down on his lips, parting his mouth roughly, and pushes his tongue into his mouth with fury-fueled fervor. His heart is throbbing as he controls the tilt of Seoho’s head with his hands in his hair, angling it so that their lips and tongues melded together.

Seoho reciprocates lazily, with a hand around Geonhak’s neck, barely any force pulling him towards him. He kisses him back almost like an afterthought, with absent-minded energy and minimal excitement. It makes him want to cry.

_When did you stop wanting me?_

Realizing the futile exercise, he breaks it off, his hands loosely caressing his hair. Taking a step back, he desperately tries to understand what’s wrong but there is nothing to suggest anything is different in Seoho’s body language

“I’ll make us some dinner, you should shower first.”

Seoho gets to his feet, taking his coat off, and makes his way to the kitchen. Dumbfounded, Geonhak steps into the shower, his tears mixing with the lukewarm water.

Once he has clothed himself in one of the pajama sets Seoho has bought him, he traipses into the kitchen. Sure enough, the older has set the table, two bowls of steaming ramen and kimchi.

“Sorry, it’s nothing fancy,” he tells him.

Perhaps because the older has never cooked for him before, he finds it strange. There is a hired help who comes and cleans the bungalow every day, does the laundry, and stocks the pantry. Sometimes, Geonhak would cook for him using the ingredients in stock or they would just order food. But for some reason, Seoho has made it his mission today to confuse the hell out of him.

“What’s all this about? Not some kind of last meal, is it?” he laughs nervously to hide his true anxiety and Seoho simply smirks.

Even as he eats, he feels like there is a lump in his throat, a sense of foreboding that he can’t quite place.

_Let this not be the last time._


	4. Things that break easily, like my heart

They finish eating in silence; as always Seoho is distracted by his phone. The sound of the clock on the mantlepiece is somehow deafening. He has to force the noodles down his throat and he hopes he's not going to cry. He can't just cry in front of Seoho. He needs to hold onto the last shred of dignity. Once they're done, he follows the older into the bedroom, the feeling of foreboding heavy in his heart.

“You should get into bed,” Seoho remarks casually, his voice light as a feather.

Geonhak prays that this is a hint, that the older wants to ravage him after all. He is hard already; Seoho has that effect on him. He is bursting to the seams with sexual energy and he wants – no he needs – him right now. So he gets into bed, under the covers, with trepidation.

To his disappointment, Seoho gets into bed after him but doesn’t make a move. Instead, he turns to his side, away from Geonhak, and pulls the blanket over him, ready to sleep.

“You-are you just going to sleep?”

“I believe that’s the purpose of going to bed." How can his voice be so annoying and so attractive at the same time? "You should get some sleep.”

“I-I…can’t sleep like this.” His voice catches as he feels that somehow he is getting more turned on. His dick throbs painfully.

Under the blanket, he feels Seoho hand reach out and feel his crotch, meeting his erection.

“I see,” he whispers breathily, causing his hard-on to grow tighter. Seoho sounds so sexy when he speaks like that but he can picture the smirk forming on the older’s lips right now. It’s not fair – this is supposed to be a game where Seoho wants him but there has never been a second in this relationship when Geonhak hasn’t wanted Seoho any less.

Without warning, Seoho pulls the blanket off him and a gush of cold air meets his skin. He feels Seoho’s hands playing with the waistband of his boxers and he tells himself that he will not give into it but his heart is already racing. Agonizingly slowly, the older pulls down his pajama bottoms and boxers. The bed spring sounds in the pindrop silence as Seoho shifts his weight, placing his legs on either side of Geonhak’s and hovering over him. It’s dark but he is aware of Seoho’s every move and he thinks he will explode if the older doesn’t make his next move.

Just as he is about to lose his sanity, Seoho’s head dips and the next moment his cock is in his warm, wet mouth. 

If he thought this would somehow help him to lose his mind, he was so, so wrong. He likes to think he is bigger than average but the way Seoho’s mouth just slides down the engorged length and how quickly his has him in the entirety can only be describes as a skill.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he hisses loudly, his hands naturally finding Seoho’s head full of hair and twisting in his curls.

Seoho dares to laugh with Geonhak in his mouth, causing jolts to run up his length and paralyse his lower body. He responds by pulling at Seoho’s hair hard. He detests how weak he is right now but he also revels in the feeling of the older paying him attention, of pleasing him.

“I-I-” he’s not sure what he’s trying to say because his brain feels like mush. Seoho uses teeth while sliding down his length and as more and more of his dick leaves his mouth, the tighter Geonhak twists his finger in his hair, worried that this would be it. “Don’t leave,” he wants to say, “Don’t pull back.”

“You shouldn’t really be cursing, imagine what your teachers would say,” Seoho manages to say, his tongue hitting his tip, and then proceeds to suck on the tip like a popsicle. The older has no intention of finishing it here.

“Don’t…don’t talk with your mouth full,” Geonhak huffs, trying to keep himself steady but starts shuddering as Seoho rolls his tongue, going further in. As he takes more and more of his length in his mouth, Geonhak can’t help but jerk his hips upwards.

Seoho hums deeply as his tip hits the back of his throat and his hands plant themselves on his wasitbones, trying to keep him flat against the bed.

The rest of his words are incoherent and he’s glad because he’s sure he has said “I love you” at one point. The last thing he needs is for Seoho to hear that and run away in the opposite direction as fast as he can. Anyway, the older’s mouth and tongue does incredible things and before long, he knows he’s too close and panics, scrambling to get away from him.

“L-let g-go,” he mumbles like a drunken person, letting go of his hair, but it has the opposite effect and Seoho brandishes his teeth for a lasting impression. As he whimpers and whines his breathing growing faster and shallower, his flat stomach rising and falling rapidly, his eyes glossing over as he comes. Whether he comes too quick for Seoho predict or he’s never planned on letting go, but the older receives a mouthful of his cum before finally pulling away.

His breathing settles after a good 5 minutes, during which he shuts his eyes tightly and covers his mouth with his hands to stifle his moans. The sounds coming out of his mouth are a dead giveaway to how needy he is – how much he needs this, how much he needs Seoho. Does the older know? Does he realise?

When he finally feels like a person again, he opens his mouth to see Seoho’s shadow still sitting between his legs. 

“Come here,” he tries to reach out for him but Seoho nimbly gets off the bed.

“I’ll go and take a shower. Why don’t you throw on some new sheets and get yourself to sleep? You need to wake up in the morning.”

And just like that, they’re back to where they started – Geonhak’s anxieties collect quickly. Why doesn’t Seoho want him? Why wouldn’t he let him return the favour? He’s the one paying him after all, for exactly this kind of thing.

It’s a mark of how tired he is that he cries himself to sleep sooner than Seoho returns from his shower. When he wakes up the next morning, Seoho is all dressed, ready to leave. It’s almost as if he was waiting for him to open his eyes.

Leaning against the doorframe, looking dashing in a dark grey suit, he says, “There’s no need for you to come back tonight. In fact, don’t bother for a few days, I’ll be busy. I’ll text you when I want to see you again. Hope your exams go alright.”

Before he can protest, Seoho turns on his heels and leaves.

He tries to tell himself that perhaps the older is busy with his work. Maybe he needs to travel to a foreign country. Does he have the same setup in other countries too? He knows he goes to Japan and China quite often for work; maybe he’s got people there too, who would satisfy him.

These are answers he would never know, because he would never be a part of Seoho’s life.


	5. When time comes to a standstill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd be very very grateful if you leave some comments to say how you're finding it so far :)

The next few days, Geonhak tries to concentrate on school work. He really needs to get good grades or he won’t have a future. His parents would not leave him alone if he fails to get into a university. Besides, if they find out what he’s been doing for money on the side…

In the beginning, he manages to contain that part of him that is so intricately entwined with Seoho. He does his homework on time, he actually starts to get most of the things his teachers bang on about; he even plays football with his friends. 

After a week however, he starts missing Seoho. There isn’t a single text or call from him. He sends him some messages but doesn’t get any replies. They have not even been read. What is so important, what is keeping Seoho so busy that he just ignores his texts completely? He is always on his phone; surely, he's seen the number of messages he has sent him. Perhaps, he is on a trip abroad. That's what he tells himself. Yes, maybe, he's just abroad, sleeping in the arms of someone else, someone he likes more than Geonhak. The thought feels his mouth with a horrible metallic taste.

On Monday, he can’t take it anymore and goes to the villa. Thankfully, Seoho’s car is not there. So maybe he is busy, or abroad. With a spring in his step, he’s about to go back when he sees someone coming out of the villa.

It’s Xion. His heart stops.

“What are you doing here?” Xion asks, narrowing his eyes.

“Did- is – did you come to meet Seoho?”

“He’s not here now,” Xion says, without quite looking at him.

“He’s in Seoul? You were with him last night, weren’t you?” He doesn’t realise that his voice was rising. It's probably a sign of how badly he is shaking that Xion takes a step back.

“He’s gone, Leedo. Just go back.”

He wants to shout and scream. He wants to break something. He wants to jump off somewhere. Seoho has been here, in Seoul, all along; he's had time to come to the villa and sleep with Xion, but he’s just been ignoring him, but why? Out of spite? Out of hatred? He hasn’t been busy enough to call Xion over or spend the night with him.

“Don’t you have exams coming up?” Xion asks, folding his arms across his chest. “You need to focus on school. Trust me, education is important.”

He almost wants to laugh. Something about Xion lecturing him about education makes him want to laugh. But what he wants to know is if this is it, if Seoho doesn't want to see him again, why not say it? Why has he not broken it off cleanly?

“Fine,” Geonhak raises his hands in frustration. “Fine, I don’t care. There are other people out there who would pay for my company. I don’t even have to – we were never exclusive. So yeah, I don’t need him or his money!”

With that, he storms away. He tells himself that he doesn’t need Seoho. It is true, there are hundreds of messages sat in his inbox, asking to talk to him or meet up with him. They are all willing to pay. He doesn't need the older for money; he can easily get it from other people. But his nightmares are always the same - they always end with Seoho, his arms around someone else. It's Seoho walking past him, without even recognising him. He wakes up, drenched in sweat, with Seoho telling him that he doesn't find him attractive.

He is angry with Seoho. You would think after all these months he deserves an explanation. But no. There is no such thing in the older's book. And he hates him for it. He hates how warm his body felt beside him but how cold his heart is. Seoho is not a man, he's a piece of ice with jagged sharp edges. 

The anger doesn’t last very long. In two days, he is at the villa again. The anger has been replaced with desperation. Before, he wanted an explanation on why Seoho cut off contact with him; now, he doesn't want the truth. All he wants is to be with Seoho, as much as possible. If he has to, he will beg Seoho to take him back. He will apologise for anything he has or has not done. He will go on his knees, hoping for mercy. He couldn't live without Seoho, at least not yet. He is young, his heart is too pure, too weak. Maybe one day his heart will harden and he will learn to forget the older, but not today.

At the villa, he recognizes Seoho’s Bugatti on the driveway.

He knocks at the door, trying to arrange in his mind what to say. To his surprise, it’s a different person who opens the door. A man much shorter than him but with hot pink hair. He thinks of the reformed jacket he had once found in the villa – it would go very well with his jeans and punk T-shirt.

“Who’re you?” the man asks.

“I-I’m looking for Seoho.”

Understanding dawns on the man’s face. “You’re Leedo, right?”

Geonhak’s surprised that he knows his name. His fake name, anyway. He must be one of the others, the others who know about him, but Seoho has never told him about them.

“Yes, look I need to talk to Seoho urgently-”

“He’s not here.”

Just from the way he looks shiftily, he knows that the man is lying.

“Look, I will let you guys get on but I just need-”

“He’s not here, and you should go home.”

“Please, please, I really need to talk to him, please.” He bows low, not bothering to hide the tears in his eyes. “I just want to talk to him for 2 minutes.”

“I’m sorry,” the man almost whispers. “He-he’s not here. I’ll-I’ll tell him you came looking for him.”

Geonhak feels empty. Seoho won’t see him. He won’t even look at his face. He won’t even give him an explanation.

“I’m really sorry,” the man repeats before shutting the door.

Geonhak knows that your heart can’t physically break, but if it could, this is how it would feel. Right now, what he’s going through. It’s a constant churning motion, like his heart is being squeezed between giant metallic hands.

It’s awful. He feels a bit sick, like he could throw up. It’s an odd sensation, like being trapped. He doesn’t even realise that he is running down the streets until he bumps into someone and they curse. But he doesn’t care, he doesn’t hear. In a world full of people, he feels truly alone. He doesn’t reply when his mum asks him where he’s been, just locks himself in his room, sinking to the ground with his back against the door. His mum bangs on the door a few times, asking him if he is alright, then leaves.

He is all by himself, and time stops just like that. He realizes he is crying uncontrollably but doesn’t know how to stop.

It hurts more because he has no answers, no closure. Why has Seoho decided to get rid of him so pathetically, like he didn’t mean a thing? Maybe he didn’t mean anything to the older, but at least for the sake of the 6 months that they have seen each other, the countless nights of passion they spent together – did they not merit a last goodbye?

If Seoho had met him one last time and told him that he was bored of him or that for whatever reason he didn’t like him anymore, it would somehow be a small consolation. He would have a chance to say his piece, to beg him to give him another chance. Maybe then Seoho would have realized what he meant to him…

And at that moment, he realizes why he is so desperate, why it hurts like this. It’s not because Seoho is so attractive or because he has grown familiar, like a habit. It’s far worse, because there is nothing rational about the way he thinks of the older. Something so wildly illogical, so unpredictable, so unbearable, could only be love.

He is in love with Seoho.

As the idea spreads, he trembles in fear. Because in all the books he has read and all the songs he has listened to and all the movies he has watched, there was no cure for love, no alternative, no healing stone.

_This is the end of me, this love._

How do you unlove someone?


	6. Everything is made to be broken

Geonhak’s parents met and fell in love when they were 16. They ended up going to different universities in different cities and maintained a long-distance relationship for years before they could be together again. Geonhak has heard their love story so many times, that he has memorized every bit of it. But his parents are very fond of telling the story, and it always ends with his mum smiling at him or his brother and saying, “One day, you’ll find someone who you’ll fall in love with like this.”

To be honest, Geonhak has never wanted to fall in love. It sounds scary, how attached you can get to one person, how devoted he would become to them.

But his mum has always laughed him off, saying, “She will be a very special person, the one you fall in love with. But choose wisely, because she can break your heart.”

That’s what he is afraid of. Despite how he looks on the outside, he doesn’t have the strength to pull through a heartbreak, he has always known that. This is why he never asked for a pet as a child as soon as he found out that animals could die, or leave. He is just not good with goodbyes. 

But this…this thing with Seoho…there is no definition for it. Their relationship was an atypical one to begin with, so now he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Is it still love if they feel differently about each other? Is it even love if there is no feelings involved on Seoho's side? Is it love if he was replaceable to begin with?

The next few days are the most confusing in his life. His emotions are all over the place. As much as it hurts, he gets back up on his feet because he knows he needs to study for exams. A terrible determination grips him – he needs to study, find his place in the world, be someone Seoho couldn’t ignore. He would find out what Seoho does and make sure they cross paths again. He wants to show him that he’s a force to be reckoned with.

It would be like a drama, he would be a successful person and he would run into Seoho and Seoho would be amazed by how rich, powerful, and handsome he was and regret ever letting him go.

But after the long hours of studying and crashing exhaustion, he always cries himself to sleep, thinking of how Seoho probably was sleeping with someone else in his arms. Whenever the image rises to his mind, he wants to run to the villa and snatch whoever he is sleeping with out of his arms. But then he remembers Seoho has probably not spared him a single thought and he goes back to feeling empty and cold.

Sometimes, Geonhak feels like he is walking down a long dark corridor and there is no end. Time ceases to exist.

After that, comes the hate, the desire for revenge. No one is irreplaceable in this world, he thinks, especially someone like Seoho who has no principles when it comes to sex. He will find someone else and it will be all okay because Seoho is not the only gorgeous or generous man on earth.

After much deliberation, he gets back on the website. He’s immediately flocked by people, wanting to talk to him. If Seoho could only see him now.

_See...see how they want me? I only wanted you..._

He talks to a few people, when he can find some time between studying. But all the conversations are so constrained; he doesn’t enjoy talking to them and whenever he is on the website, he thinks about Seoho. When he looks up Seoho’s profile, he notes with satisfaction that he has been inactive for 6 months. At least he is not out here hunting for someone to replace him. But then, he already has Xion, the other person, and who knows how many others.

Out of all the people he talks to, there is one man whom he comes to grow fond of. Ravn seems like a very sweet person in his texts. He is definitely not as blunt as Seoho. Ravn takes the time to know him, without making him feel uncomfortable. The conversation flows easily and for the first time in ages, he feels like he is having a normal human interaction. He actually manages to melt his frigid heart and he agrees to meet him. Ravn turns out to be a very fashionable, tall, dark-haired man who has the most amicable smile. He is very sweet in person too; his body language is the exact opposite of confrontational. When Geonhak speaks, he leans in like it’s very important to catch onto his every word. When he laughs, his smile reaches his eyes and Geonhak can tell that Ravn is giving him his full attention. He doesn’t reach for his cell phone even once.

All Ravn wants from the relationship is to hang out at cafes or restaurants or just chat to him on the phone. It suits him perfectly. If Ravn had asked for more…he probably would have said no.

Ravn is everything Seoho was not. He cares about him, asks him about his life but doesn’t press for answers. He encourages him about his studies and reassures him when he says he doesn’t know what he wants to do.

“I didn’t know what I wanted to do for a very long time,” Ravn tells him, “I changed majors so many times in college that the dean wanted to throw me out. But in the end, I realized that I was the happiest when I pursued my hobby. So I thought I’d just turn it into my job. And thus, I became a fashion designer.”

That’s another thing that is different, Ravn tells him about himself. From what he’s said to him so far and from the clothes he has seen him wearing, he knows who Ravn is. It has taken one quick google search to find out the 25-year old Kim Youngjo, a designer who runs a successful urban fashion brand and is famous for producing unique fashion pieces for many celebrities. Despite all of that, Ravn is so down-to-earth. His only vice probably is that he likes checking himself out in mirrors – but who wouldn’t if they had Ravn’s face. The man was sculpted in the heavens, from his eyelashes to his nose tip, everything is so perfect.

Geonhak blushes every time Ravn compliments him and mumbles nonsense when he holds his hand. His heart flutters a bit when Ravn says something cheesy.

The more he speaks to Ravn, the more he realizes how different he is to Seoho.

He is not Seoho, not even close.

He is better, the rational part of his brain argues back. It’s a good thing.

“You seem distracted,” Ravn comments one day as they are enjoying one of their quiet dates in a cafe.

“Just…" he gulps, "exams.”

“No, it’s something different.” Ravn has such piercing eyes. “It’s like…you’re hung up on something. Or someone...”

He looks down immediately, feeling guilty for no particular reason.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry,” Ravn smiles. “I want you to find happiness. I want you to find the person who makes you happy.”

It surprises him – is he that transparent? How can Ravn even tell that there is someone else?

“It’s not like that,” he mumbles, wondering how he would ever explain Seoho to Ravn. He himself doesn't seem to know what the story there is.

Resting his elbows on the table, he takes a sip of his drink.

“I have time.”

Sighing, Geonhak says, “It’s hard to explain. I…was...kind of hanging out with someone and…well…he-we…”

“You caught feelings?” Ravn cocks his head to one side, smiling.

That is a huge understatement but he nods. Ravn makes him comfortable but he shouldn’t be offloading his problems onto the older.

“It happens.”

From the tone of his voice, he can make out that there’s more to the story there so he raises his head to look the older man in the eye.

He raises his eyebrows when he sees Geonhak is staring at him, then shakes his head lightly.

“My story is not very interesting,” Ravn laughs.

“Tell me,” Geonhak presses.

The dark-haired man scrunches his nose cutely. “Well, there’s this guy I work with…he’s a photographer so we bump into each other often.”

“And?”

A soft blush starts to spread on Geonhak’s cheeks.

“There’s not much there, to be honest. He-well, I guess I liked him. I mean, I liked him enough to – the point is, sometimes you come across someone and you just end up catching feelings for them. You think you have a good thing going on but...you know, they're probably missing the point. They may not notice that you like them and it makes you feel so small. But it happens.”

"Shit happens."

Ravn giggles. "I guess so."

“Have you told him you like him?”

Shaking his head, Ravn takes another sip of his drink. “You don’t know Keonhee, he will just laugh in my face or make a joke out of it. He’s a runner, he runs away from everything serious. Either that or he cries. There’s no middle ground.”

“You should probably tell him though, if he doesn’t know…” Geonhak can’t believe this is the advice he is giving right now when he’s done nothing to ever tell Seoho that he…no, but that’s different. He was never supposed to fall in love with Seoho. He knew very well feelings were not a part of the contract.

“Yeah, I will when he grows up,” Ravn laughs. “Emotionally,” he adds when Geonhak looks petrified. “Now, your turn to overshare. Is it a classmate?”

"Are you over him, this Keonhee?" he asks instead of replying.

Drumming his fingers on the table, Ravn takes some time to think about it.

"I don't know...you know I still see him quite often. But these days, I must admit I think about you quite a lot as well."

The tone of Ravn's voice and how he blushes openly catches Geonhak by surprise. Ravn is very good at saying cringy things with a straight face, but the emotions in his voice tells him that this is just not a throwaway comment.

"Good thoughts, I hope," he laughs nervously, trying to brush off the comment.

"Maybe I do wear my heart on my sleeve," Ravn sighs dramatically. "Oh what shall I do with this unruly heart?"

Geonhak can't help but laugh. He always manages to crack him up.

"You look much more approachable when you laugh."

When was the last time he laughed like this? 

"Have you ever been in love?"

Ravn raises his eyebrows.

"I can't say I have, yet."

"No, me neither," he whispers, so that the world can't hear him lie.

Ravn's phone buzzes, interrupting the moment. He quickly reads the text, before turning the phone off. His eyebrows furrow.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's Keonhee."

"Oh, what did he say?"

"Just usual work related stuff," Ravn shrugs. "Do you know what, I change my mind about my answer before. I think I have been in love. I've just tried to ignore it." Clasping his hands together, he says, "But that doesn't mean I can't fall in love again. Especially if it is with someone who's done it before, who's been in love." He stares at him meaningfully.

Geonhak must be an open book. He tries to imagine what it would be like, having Ravn by his side. The age difference is manageable, to begin with. His parents will love him if they get to know him. It would be like enveloped with a blanket of love and warmth.

But as he keeps staring at Ravn, he pictures Seoho instead. Seoho on his phone, uninterested, snide remarks and crooked smiles. Seoho, who's probably never had a moment of weakness. Seoho, who doesn't like him one bit.

Who in their right minds would choose pain over paradise?


End file.
